Reflective Parenting: Breaking Cycles and Building Stronger Bonds
“Steppingstone is dedicated to providing a learning environment for the unique needs of gifted children – academically, intellectually, socially, physically, and emotionally“
On Wednesday, February 5th, we held our second Parent Support Forum on the topic of Reflective Parenting with guest speaker Dr. Ira Glovinsky. Dr. Glovinsky has a deep-rooted connection to Steppingstone School, as he was one of the original consultants and IQ evaluators of gifted students from our founding in 1981. What makes him uniquely qualified in the field of child psychology is his years of classroom teaching experience before transitioning to psychology—a rare combination that allows him to bridge educational and psychological insights seamlessly.
Today, Dr. Glovinsky is a nationally respected speaker, consultant, and teacher trainer, working with Oakland County Family Services in Pre-School and Early Childhood programs. He also serves as an Associate Adjunct Professor for Early Childhood and Art Education at Brooklyn College in New York.
What Is Reflective Parenting?
Reflective Parenting is an approach that encourages parents to pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully, rather than react impulsively. It focuses on understanding how our past experiences influence our parenting, and how being emotionally attuned to our children fosters deeper relationships and emotional security.
A reflective parent doesn’t simply demand compliance—for example, yelling at a child to put on a coat—but instead considers the child’s perspective, acknowledges their autonomy, and guides them with empathy.
Breaking the Cycle of Intergenerational Parenting
One of the most profound challenges parents face is breaking free from inherited parenting patterns. Our own childhood experiences shape how we interact with our children, sometimes in ways we don’t even realize.
Dr. Glovinsky discussed intergenerational transmission, the concept that behaviors, trauma, and even mental health challenges can be passed down through generations. Recognizing these influences allows parents to break unhealthy cycles and foster healthier, more positive connections with their children.
The "Ghosts and Angels" of Parenting
Dr. Glovinsky referenced Selma Freiberg’s work on infant mental health and the idea of “ghosts in the nursery”—past traumas that unconsciously shape how we parent. If a parent grew up in an environment where emotions were dismissed, they may struggle to validate their child’s feelings.
On the other hand, “angels in the nursery” represent positive influences—supportive caregivers, loving mentors, or meaningful emotional connections from childhood. By reflecting on our own childhood experiences, we can choose which patterns to carry forward and which to leave behind.
The Role of Culture in Parenting
Dr. Glovinsky also discussed how parenting is deeply influenced by cultural norms. Some cultures emphasize early responsibility, where young children actively contribute to household duties, fostering independence and cooperation. In contrast, Western parenting often focuses on individual expression, which can sometimes lead to behavioral challenges if children lack a sense of responsibility and contribution.
Understanding these differences allows parents to be more flexible and intentional in shaping their parenting approach.
The Importance of Attunement and Emotional Regulation
Children thrive when they feel understood. One of the key components of Reflective Parenting is attunement—the ability to recognize and respond to a child’s emotional and developmental needs. Dr. Glovinsky emphasized that when parents tune into their child’s emotions and sensory experiences, they create a foundation of trust, connection, and self-regulation.
Additionally, Reflective Parenting emphasizes co-regulation—the idea that children learn to regulate their emotions by observing how their parents manage their own stress and frustrations.
Practical Steps to Practice Reflective Parenting
- Pause Before Reacting – Instead of immediately disciplining or correcting, take a moment to reflect on your child’s emotions and perspective.
- Acknowledge Your Own Triggers – If a child’s behavior upsets you, ask yourself: Am I reacting based on my past experiences?
- Encourage Emotional Expression – Let your child know that their emotions are valid. Instead of saying “Stop crying”, try “I see you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
- Use Open-Ended Questions – Instead of giving orders, ask questions that help your child reflect: “What do you think happened?” or “How did that make you feel?”
- Practice Self-Regulation – Find personal strategies to manage stress, whether through mindfulness, deep breathing, or physical activity. A regulated parent creates a regulated child.
- Reflect on Your Own Childhood – Identify the “ghosts” and “angels” in your upbringing. Which patterns do you want to break? Which positive traits do you want to carry forward?
Final Thoughts
Dr. Glovinsky’s insights reminded us that Reflective Parenting is not about perfection—it’s about awareness, intention, and growth. By pausing to reflect on our own experiences, being emotionally attuned to our children, and fostering self-regulation, we can break generational cycles and create a nurturing, emotionally secure environment for our children.