How to Build Grit in Gifted Children:
Embracing Complexity and Asynchrony
“Steppingstone is dedicated to providing a learning environment for the unique needs of gifted children – academically, intellectually, socially, physically, and emotionally“
On September 18, 2025, Steppingstone School hosted our first Parent Support Forum of the year, featuring guest speaker Kristin Cotts, LPC from the Center for Identity Potential in Huntington Woods.
Kristin, recently promoted to Director of Training and Education at the Center, led an insightful session on one of the most pressing questions for parents and educators of gifted children: How do we help them build grit?
Drawing from her extensive professional expertise and personal journey as a parent of a gifted teenager with learning disabilities, Kristin emphasized that grit in gifted children cannot be understood through traditional definitions of perseverance — it requires a lens of complexity and asynchronous development.
Rethinking Giftedness
Most of us were taught to think of giftedness as “advanced development.” Kristin challenged this view, reminding us that giftedness is really asynchronous development — an uneven profile where a child can be years ahead in one area, average in another, and behind in yet another.
As intelligence increases, so does the likelihood of executive dysfunction. In other words, “intelligence does not equal executive function.” A child who excels in math might still struggle to organize their backpack, focus on chores, or follow multi-step instructions.
This perspective reframes the question from “Why isn’t he trying harder?” to “What skills are still developing, and how can we support them?”
Grit is Not One-Size-Fits-All
Kristin emphasized that grit is not a fixed trait. A child may show tremendous perseverance in one setting and resist another. For example, one case study highlighted a boy who finished last in his first cross-country races — but never stopped running, even in grueling heat. His determination was undeniable, even if motivation wavered at the next practice.
“But can we say this kid doesn’t have grit? We can’t.” – Kristin Cotts
This shows that grit manifests in complex, uneven ways, just like giftedness itself.
Why Kids Don't "Stick With Things"
Parents often worry when their child gives up on an activity. Kristin reframed this as a skill-building issue, not a character flaw. The ability to practice is not innate — it must be taught through supervised, repetitive action.
She compared it to teaching a child to take out the garbage: you don’t just say “do it once” and expect mastery. Instead, you walk them through it step by step, day after day, until it becomes automatic.
In many cases, a child’s “failure” to persist simply reflects that they haven’t yet developed the skill of practice — not laziness or defiance.
The Role of Motivation and the Brain
A particularly striking takeaway was the role of interest and meaning in activating the brain’s executive functions.
“When there’s a strong desire to do something or a deadline that matters, the prefrontal cortex organizes. It automatically organizes.” – Kristin Cotts
This means that a child may excel in reading books they love, while resisting others, or perform brilliantly in music but struggle in chores. Their brain literally allocates resources differently depending on what feels meaningful.
Individualized Evaluation is Key
The Center for Identity Potential’s philosophy is that interventions must be deeply individualized. Public schools often rely on standardized approaches, but gifted children require tailored support based on comprehensive evaluations of executive function, motivation, and context.
As Kristin highlighted, the question is not whether a child has grit, but how their grit emerges — and what supports will help them apply it across contexts.
Lessons for Parents & Educators
Kristin acknowledged that conversations about grit can stir anxiety, sadness, or worry in parents. But she offered a hopeful reminder: grit grows through a process of self-discovery, trial and error, and compassionate guidance.
Her own son’s journey — from struggling with auditory processing to finding his place on the cross-country team — illustrates that grit does not always look like winning. Sometimes, it looks like finishing last but never giving up, and in doing so, inspiring others.
Closing Thoughts
Building grit in gifted children means shifting our lens:
- Recognizing complexity and asynchrony instead of assuming “advanced” equals “easy.”
- Understanding that executive function is not the same as intelligence.
- Supporting children in developing the skill of practice through guidance and repetition.
- Valuing motivation and meaning as key drivers of perseverance.
- Embracing that grit looks different for every child.
Our first Parent Support Forum of the year was a reminder that grit is not about fitting gifted children into societal norms, but about meeting them where they are — and helping them discover their own resilience along the way.