Steppingstone – SteppingStone School

How to Build Grit in Gifted Children: Embracing Complexity and Asynchrony

David Liou — Mon, 06 Oct 2025 18:35:41 +0000

How to Build Grit in Gifted Children:
Embracing Complexity and Asynchrony

“Steppingstone is dedicated to providing a learning environment for the unique needs of gifted children – academically, intellectually, socially, physically, and emotionally“

On September 18, 2025, Steppingstone School hosted our first Parent Support Forum of the year, featuring guest speaker Kristin Cotts, LPC from the Center for Identity Potential in Huntington Woods.

Kristin, recently promoted to Director of Training and Education at the Center, led an insightful session on one of the most pressing questions for parents and educators of gifted children: How do we help them build grit?

Drawing from her extensive professional expertise and personal journey as a parent of a gifted teenager with learning disabilities, Kristin emphasized that grit in gifted children cannot be understood through traditional definitions of perseverance — it requires a lens of complexity and asynchronous development.

Rethinking Giftedness

Most of us were taught to think of giftedness as “advanced development.” Kristin challenged this view, reminding us that giftedness is really asynchronous development — an uneven profile where a child can be years ahead in one area, average in another, and behind in yet another.

As intelligence increases, so does the likelihood of executive dysfunction. In other words, “intelligence does not equal executive function.” A child who excels in math might still struggle to organize their backpack, focus on chores, or follow multi-step instructions.

This perspective reframes the question from “Why isn’t he trying harder?” to “What skills are still developing, and how can we support them?”

Grit is Not One-Size-Fits-All

Kristin emphasized that grit is not a fixed trait. A child may show tremendous perseverance in one setting and resist another. For example, one case study highlighted a boy who finished last in his first cross-country races — but never stopped running, even in grueling heat. His determination was undeniable, even if motivation wavered at the next practice.

“But can we say this kid doesn’t have grit? We can’t.” – Kristin Cotts

This shows that grit manifests in complex, uneven ways, just like giftedness itself.

Why Kids Don't "Stick With Things"

Parents often worry when their child gives up on an activity. Kristin reframed this as a skill-building issue, not a character flaw. The ability to practice is not innate — it must be taught through supervised, repetitive action.

She compared it to teaching a child to take out the garbage: you don’t just say “do it once” and expect mastery. Instead, you walk them through it step by step, day after day, until it becomes automatic.

In many cases, a child’s “failure” to persist simply reflects that they haven’t yet developed the skill of practice — not laziness or defiance.

The Role of Motivation and the Brain

A particularly striking takeaway was the role of interest and meaning in activating the brain’s executive functions.

“When there’s a strong desire to do something or a deadline that matters, the prefrontal cortex organizes. It automatically organizes.” – Kristin Cotts

This means that a child may excel in reading books they love, while resisting others, or perform brilliantly in music but struggle in chores. Their brain literally allocates resources differently depending on what feels meaningful.

Individualized Evaluation is Key

The Center for Identity Potential’s philosophy is that interventions must be deeply individualized. Public schools often rely on standardized approaches, but gifted children require tailored support based on comprehensive evaluations of executive function, motivation, and context.

As Kristin highlighted, the question is not whether a child has grit, but how their grit emerges — and what supports will help them apply it across contexts.

Lessons for Parents & Educators

Kristin acknowledged that conversations about grit can stir anxiety, sadness, or worry in parents. But she offered a hopeful reminder: grit grows through a process of self-discovery, trial and error, and compassionate guidance.

Her own son’s journey — from struggling with auditory processing to finding his place on the cross-country team — illustrates that grit does not always look like winning. Sometimes, it looks like finishing last but never giving up, and in doing so, inspiring others.

Closing Thoughts

Building grit in gifted children means shifting our lens:

Recognizing complexity and asynchrony instead of assuming “advanced” equals “easy.”
Understanding that executive function is not the same as intelligence.
Supporting children in developing the skill of practice through guidance and repetition.
Valuing motivation and meaning as key drivers of perseverance.
Embracing that grit looks different for every child.

Our first Parent Support Forum of the year was a reminder that grit is not about fitting gifted children into societal norms, but about meeting them where they are — and helping them discover their own resilience along the way.

Project-Based Learning at Steppingstone School

David Liou — Mon, 06 Jan 2025 19:02:20 +0000

Project-Based Learning at Steppingstone School

“Steppingstone is dedicated to providing a learning environment for the unique needs of gifted children – academically, intellectually, socially, physically, and emotionally“

Education today must inspire creativity, independence, and resilience. Steppingstone School embraces this through project-based learning (PBL), fostering essential skills like planning, research, and public speaking.

Project-Based Learning at Steppingstone School

Since the 1980s, Steppingstone has made PBL a core element of its curriculum. By encouraging students to explore topics of personal interest, the school promotes ownership and independence in learning. This hands-on approach drives deeper engagement and enhances critical thinking.

Students dive into projects like science expos and independent studies, building skills that extend beyond the classroom. PBL helps develop writing, research, and presentation abilities, preparing students for collaborative environments. Graduates often excel in high school and support peers in group projects, showcasing leadership and teamwork.

Inclusive and Flexible Learning

Steppingstone’s PBL is adaptable, ensuring all students, including younger ones or those with challenges, can participate. By providing tailored support, the school nurtures each student’s potential, fostering success regardless of individual learning styles.

Managing Perfectionism in Gifted Students

Perfectionism can hinder progress, especially among gifted students. Steppingstone addresses this by guiding students to set realistic goals, manage tasks effectively, and complete projects on time. This balanced approach cultivates resilience and confidence, promoting healthy learning habits.

Long-Term Benefits

The skills developed through PBL benefit students well into their academic and professional lives. Beyond enhancing problem-solving and leadership abilities, PBL ignites a lifelong passion for learning. Steppingstone prepares students to be curious, driven, and capable leaders of tomorrow.

Conclusion

Steppingstone School’s dedication to project-based learning empowers students with creativity, independence, and resilience. For parents seeking a school that nurtures holistic development, Steppingstone stands out as a leader in innovative education.

Visit steppingstoneschool.org or contact the school directly at 248-957-8200 to schedule a tour.

Walking With Finnley

Reef Morse — Wed, 14 Dec 2022 22:13:02 +0000

Walking With Finnley

“Don’t always believe everything your brain tries to tell you.”

I can be pretty full of myself. I fall into the trap of thinking that what I’m concerned about is the most important thing going on in my life. I get preoccupied with what’s going on in the world around me and how it might all turn out.

But, when I look up, I can see lots of positive opportunities to impact that future. I get to teach some bright and interesting kids of all ages. And they can give me perspectives that I hadn’t had before. And, it’s not always the older kids that provide that realignment force.

Wisdom Comes from Unexpected Sources

Finnley is a 5-year-old student at Steppingstone. In class, he’s a quiet kid, strongly independent, and into his own thing. At noon, all the kids run or walk along the track that surrounds the football field. Older kids run a mile, younger kids run or walk half a mile. Finnley typically plunks himself down in the middle of the track and plays in the gravel. He draws, he builds things. But he didn’t run or walk.

A couple of months ago I asked Finnley if I could walk with him. He was resistant at first, but after a few steps, he took my hand and started to talk. Non-stop. He told me about the color of the trees and sky, what he might have for lunch, and a dozen other things that are important when you are 5.

Discussing Science with a Five-Year-Old Can Make You Think Harder

Over the ensuing weeks, Finnley and I talked a lot about his science fair presentation about rainbows and how filters affect the light that passes through a prism. His insight into and vision of his project was unusual for someone of his age. I talked about the various wavelengths of light and how that affected how the light was refracted. He understood that putting a colored filter in front of a light source doesn’t change where the colors (or color) shows up. Red is still on the outside even if the rest of the rainbow isn’t there.

He sees the world differently than I do. That’s a good thing by my standards. Learning how he thinks and views things helps me to understand how better to talk with him and teach him about ideas.

Everyone is a Resource

I’ve now taken up walking with other young kids. Same thing. They each grab a hand and we walk (or run) and they talk and I listen and learn.

Even at age 78, there is so much more out in the world for me to find out about. I look forward to the many tomorrows that I can share with Finnley and the other young students at Steppingstone. This is a place where everyone can experience the wonders and pleasures of discovery.

Nature vs Nurture – a Dialog

Reef Morse — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 22:46:02 +0000

Nature vs Nurture – a Dialog

There are some people who believe that anyone can be whatever they decide to be, within reason. For example, at age 77, I’m not going to be the Heavyweight Boxing champion of the world, nor the best football quarterback. But I COULD have been had I so decided at the appropriate time in my life.

Likewise, people who are in social, economic, or environmental conditions that are less than optimal should benefit from changes that make those conditions optimal so that they can have the advantages everyone else has. Investing in society will improve it.

Others believe that people are born into their circumstances and there is not much they can do about it. If they are poor, it’s because they were born into poverty and there is little they can do that will help get them out of poverty. If conditions change, they will still make choices that will lead them to be poor.

So, is it nature, or nurture?

There is a branch of science called behavioral genetics which:

…investigates the influence of genes on character traits (neuroticism, agreeableness) and life outcomes (educational attainment, income, criminality)

This quote comes from an article that I read in The New Yorker (September 12, 2021) called “Force of Nature”. It’s about a behavioral geneticist named Kathryn Paige Harden who is a professor of psychology at the University of Texas in Austin. Her recent book “The Genetic Lottery: Why DNA Matters for Social Equality” attempts to reconcile these two viewpoints. The New Yorker goes into detail of the historical swings in scientific and social outcomes between each side of this argument and eventually comes down in the middle – both social and genetic factors play roles in who we are and what we can carry out with our lives.

I am interested in this article because I work at a school for academically gifted children, and I have heard the criticism that schools for gifted children are elitist and favor those who come from success. I find these criticisms weak on facts.

Work with what You’ve Got

I present here a photograph of my granddaughter Colette who was born with Joubert’s Syndrome. No one would argue that, because of her genetic disposition, she will have educational experiences vastly different than children who don’t have Joubert’s. No one would say that if she were in a classroom full of children her own age, she would be able to follow them and develop her skills equally alongside them. It is true that she has developed some remarkable compensating skills. Her lower arms lack muscle tone and so it’s hard for her to pick things up with her hands. She has, however, learned how to pick things up with her feet and is quite proficient at it. That doesn’t mean that she does not need to learn to use her hands, but only that she will learn quite differently than most other children.

And so it is with gifted children. Their needs are vastly different than those of children who are not gifted. Gifted children can also develop compensation skills, but in the other direction. They can “dumb themselves down”, withdraw, make sure they don’t stand out. Our society gladly supports the education of those who show clear physical and mental disabilities. But we don’t support those who show giftedness.

A school for gifted children is just as important as a school for disabled children. There is no elitist taint to a school for gifted – gifted children cry out for opportunities where they can use their abilities. Schools for gifted children supply a social answer to the genetic condition.

The Answer is “Yes”!

So, is it nature or is it nurture? The answer is, yes, its nature AND nurture. For school-age students, parents provide the genetics (nature) and family, society, and schools can provide the academic and physical development (nurture). For those students in Steppingstone, it’s the best of both worlds.